The Most Needed Fruit of the Spirit Today
Galatians 5:22-23 lists nine fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. While all nine are absolutely important and necessary, one stands out as sorely missing and sorely needed in today's fractured and contentious world: gentleness.
With increased polarization comes increased demonization and assumption-making. As social psychologist Jonathan Haidt explains, the further apart groups move from one another, the more they mistrust one another and the more negatively they view each other. When polarization reaches a certain point, "others" are seen not only as morally bankrupt but also as rationally compromised (i.e. crazy).
“Of all the healing tonics that need to be ingested by society, gentleness is perhaps the most important.”
It is at this point that civil discourse becomes virtually impossible because, in order for civil discourse to occur, the parties involved have to have certain basic good-faith assumptions of one another, such as sanity and openness to reason. If no such positive assumptions exist, the only kinds of communication that the parties have left to them are name-calling, cursing, condemning, and dismissing, which barely even count as communication.
The problem of polarization and tribalism is a complex one that requires many separate solutions to be implemented at once. But of all the healing tonics that need to be ingested by society, gentleness is perhaps the most important. Only when the words we have weaponized are laid down can there be space for healing and reconciliation to occur.
Ancient Wisdom for Present Problems
Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." [NASB] Perhaps the harshness of our responses to our perceived rivals is what is stirring up so much wrath and anger. In online forums and comment sections everywhere, one can find a never-ending stream of vitriol and hateful speech.
The wrong way to respond to angry speech is with more anger. That only adds sin upon sin. You may be tempted to curse back, or respond with a sharp and stinging retort. But while you might win the argument and the respect of a few trolls, what have you lost? What is lost is far more valuable than what was gained: the trust and openness to dialogue of a fellow member of society, a society in which we all live and have to find a way to get along.
“Perhaps the harshness of our responses to our perceived rivals is what is stirring up so much wrath and anger.”
The right way to diffuse anger is with a gentle word. It is difficult to continue yelling and cursing at someone when they are being nice to you. No matter how angry someone is, if the person they are angry with responds with a gentle smile, a humble admission of wrongdoing, an acknowledgement of the point being made, and a pledge to take positive action, the angry person is largely disarmed of the reasons to be angry.
It is far more challenging to convey gentleness through written media such as Facebook and YouTube comments. For that reason, when it comes to written communication, it is often better to remain silent than to write something that has a high chance of being misconstrued. But if a response is necessary, then it is still important to make the effort to convey gentleness and respect. Even throwing in a few emojis to highlight the intentions may be appropriate, as unprofessional as emojis are.
Conclusion
We must remember that all human beings are made in the image of God and are, therefore, worthy of honor and respect. One of the main ways that honor and respect are conveyed is through gentle speech. It is impossible to respect someone and yell or curse at them at the same time. Such behavior is the very definition of disrespectful.
Gentle words communicate far more than gentleness. They communicate an acknowledgment of an individual's personhood, of the validity of their views and lived experiences, and of the reality of their pain. Soft words carry more weight and pack more of a punch than loud words, for loud words are the calling card of the foolish and insecure.
If we want our world to regain some semblance of civility and the ability to communicate, then learning how to speak gently is a must. Thank God for the Holy Spirit, who produces gentleness in the hearts of man for his own good and for the glory of God.